Thanks to a Banned Book, I Forgave My Drug-Addicted Grandpa and Escaped His Path

by Dynahlee Star Padilla-Vasquez

Make Crank by No.1 New York Times Bestseller Ellen Hopkins Accessible in Public Schools and Libraries 

When I was 7, we heard a knock at the chained door. We lived in the Bronx projects on the 21st floor with a view of the George Washington Bridge. My dad’s father, Raul, had made his way past the basketball court where men argued about drug deals, and up a rickety, dimly lit elevator, to get to our apartment. 

I never met Raul before. I first noticed his elongated pinky nail, nicotine-stained teeth, and untamed black hair. I didn't want to, but my dad told me to give this stranger, in his prison-issued release clothes, a kiss on the cheek. 

Four days later, on November 4, 2004, Grandpa Raul’s lifeless body was found in the grass near a bench in a park. A needle lay close by. He was only 41. 

His death ignited a burning question in me — How could my grandfather choose drugs over his family, his freedom, his own life? 

Asking Dad these questions in the months after was too painful for him, yet the questions kept aflame. Years later, as I was sifting through books in colorful baskets at the back of Ms. Little’s seventh-grade English classroom, I came across a black cover with the word Crank written in white, like chalk. 

Crank, also published in 2004, is Ellen Hopkins’ first novel, which captures her daughter’s addiction journey through free verse. I fell in love with the fact that the title of every page started a new poem, telling the entire narrative through verse. One poem included phrases tilting down the page. The shape of the words described what meth felt like. Another poem toyed with the idea of flirting with the monster. Through these stanzas, I pictured Grandpa Raul snorting coke and going through brutal withdrawals from heroin, just to catch another fleeting high. 

Every day, I waited patiently for independent reading time. My heart ebbed and flowed as I read the lines that connected me to Grandpa. I borrowed the book after school and read it in my dark purple bedroom at night, highlighter nearby, dictionary at my fingertips. I even combined allowances with bookstore gift cards to build my prized collection of the Crank trilogy and more of Hopkins’ books. 

During recess, students would often talk about weed, even some of my friends. Would you ever try it? As curious as I was, because of Grandpa Raul and Crank, I never dared. Crank instead inspired me to experiment with poetry. I even wrote a rap about Grandpa’s drug addiction to Eminem’s 2004 song, “Mockingbird.” 

In my search for understanding my grandfather, my family’s history, and the world around me, Crank not only delivered, but eclipsed what I could ever imagine for myself. It wooed me with a rich world of words and fueled a fire to keep developing my written voice. The book taught me that addiction is a disease, and most importantly, a temptation to avoid at all costs. Crank spoke to the human condition in a way that my 13-year-old self understood. And, while it protected me from Grandpa Raul’s path, it also helped me to forgive him. 

Ellen Hopkins has been getting attention from others, too, but not in the captivating way she’s held mine. Hopkins was the most banned author in the U.S. for the 2023-24 school year, according to PEN America. Today, Hopkins is listed as the second most-challenged author with 167 instances, per PEN America’s new report, which highlights the continued targets against books, stories, identities, and histories. And Crank is now the 7th most banned book.

Is Crank controversial? Yes. Is it vulgar? Of course. Is it gut-wrenching? Absolutely. So what? It’s also about real life, it’s compelling, and it changed my life. Who knows what path I would have taken had I been enticed by drugs? Crank exposed me to poetry, new vocabulary, diverse stories, a bigger heart, and original ideas. Crank set me on a path that led me to college, the first in my family to go.

Crank gifted me with a passion for writing and a career that led me to interview my favorite author  — the one and only Ellen Hopkins — ahead of the 20-year anniversary of Crank. 

I am devastated that a book that expanded my worldview has been snatched from shelves across a nation that espouses freedom of speech. Generations of students who might have found one of these banned books lifesaving will be denied the answers they’re seeking. Kids who are only allowed to read certain types of literature may not connect with stories in a visceral way because real life has

complex and tragic challenges. As Hopkins wrote, “No book is right for every reader. And no book is wrong for every reader.” But all books must be available to “whoever needs [their] valuable perspective,” whenever they want.

Especially this year — with PEN America recording 6,870 instances of book bans across 23 states and 87 public school districts: It is unconscionable that we are denying kids books that may change their world and heal them. So please: Do our democracy a meaningful favor and get involved with your school boards, libraries, and local politics to get banned books — and Crank — back on shelves where they belong.

Dynahlee Star Padilla-Vasquez is a storyteller based in the Washington, D.C., area. She is passionate about social justice reforms, baking any and all pumpkin goods, and adventuring with her 2-year-old golden retriever named Croissant. Follow her on Linkedin.